Benel D, Lagua l March 30, 2023 l Manila Bulletin
In a viral Ted Talk, Simon Sinek narrated the story of a former undersecretary of defense giving speech to his audience while sipping coffee from a Styrofoam cup. He went off script and told his audience that in the past year he spoke in the same conference still as undersecretary, was flew in by the host in business class, met at the airport, was checked into his hotel, was chauffeured to the venue and met like dignitary with coffee in a beautiful ceramic cup. This year he no longer was in position, he flew in coach, took a taxi to his hotel, checked-in himself, took another taxi to the venue, had to find his way to the conference hall. Before his speech, he asked for coffee and was directed to the nearest coffee machine, with the Styrofoam cup.
He said in conclusion that the ceramic cup was never meant for him, it was meant for the position he held. He deserved a Styrofoam cup. As a person gains fame, fortune and seniority, other people will hold doors open and provide all kinds of amenities. But one must remember, the courtesy was meant for the
level of achievement and success, but at the end we all deserve a Styrofoam cup.
When I became Head of a small financial institution, and Executive Vice President in a major financial institution, I myself was accorded such show of courtesy. Whether it be from staffers inside the organization, or executives outside dealing with my firm, it was personally satisfying how one is offered certain perks and privileges. But as someone who rose from the ranks, starting my career as a researcher, xeroxing documents in my first job, I somehow knew it would not last forever.
As Sinek said, there is a lesson in humility and gratefulness one must absorb as he goes up the ladder of success. The privileges and perks of positions are to be enjoyed, but remember the roots and the destination. Remember who you are and it will help you adjust properly especially after retirement.
“Changing Gear” by Jan Hall and Jon Stokes discusses the struggles of people who approach the third stage in their life, after their childhood and careers. The third stage may be particularly difficult for those who have been in high-powered jobs. They must come to terms with a loss of their status and the
realization that they are both replaceable and mortal.
Hall and Stokes advice those near retirement to work out who they have been, who they are now and who they would like to become. The process is not linear, or predictable. But it will generally involve a series of steps that mimic the five stages of grief from denial to acceptance.
One, lose your balance and notice. Shake off denials and recognize that change is happening. Two, take stock, look around you and move from alarm to curiosity. Be conscious of thoughts and feelings. Three, be open to the new — explore and investigate fresh possibilities. Four, let go — accept the inevitable
pain of loss and feeling naked. Five, become your new self. Build sustained conscious competence. Six, enjoy a new sense of poise and balance. And seven, review your progress and cope with inevitable setbacks.
All of these are of course easier to lay down but really difficult to execute. The path forward will differ from one person to another. Hall and Stokes presented case studies of people in the process, with varying levels of success or failure. They are nonetheless instructive.
As Bartleby of “The Economist” wrote, there is “no one size fits all” solution. Bartleby’s father was never happier when, after retirement, he was able to spend time reading, gardening and listening to Mozart. Other people would be bored to tears by such as life.
It is clearly unsettling to move on to a different life stage, especially for those who have gotten used to the privileges of position and success. We have to go back to Sinek’s metaphor on the Styrofoam cup. To absorb this new path requires a lot of introspection and self-awareness. Retirement does not necessarily connote passivity and retreat. With humility, grace and enough passion, there is a life worth living moving forward. But it will not happen without pain. The results though can spell joy in one’s life twilight.
*** (Benel Dela Paz Lagua was previously EVP and Chief Development Officer at the Development Bank of the Philippines. He is an active FINEX member and an advocate of risk-based lending for SMEs. Today, he is independent director in progressive banks and in some NGOs.
The views expressed herein are his own and does not necessarily reflect the opinion of his office as well as FINEX.